I am fearful

I am a fearful person. I’m made up of fears. I’m far from proud of that factor, and I wish I could snap my finger and become a fearless lion on a savannah. Unfortunately it’s not that simple. My fears sink deeper than that of finding myself alone in the same room as an oblivious (and probably also very fearful and panicked) cockroach. As deep as that may be, that is only the surface. Sometimes, just looking at myself in the mirror can prove to be scary. It’s hard to look at yourself eye to eye, especially when you haven’t slept well or when your hair refuses to cooperate. I can remember days where I stand in front of the mirror trying to talk myself into smiling despite the fact that nothing about my face or my hair gave me confidence to show myself to the world outside. Maybe society paints these insecurities onto our minds and hearts…maybe…then again, I know deep inside that beauty is deeper than the first layer of skin. Still…I fear.

Every day I awake to a day full of uncertainty. I don’t know what sort of insecurities I will have to face; and when I am faced with them, sometimes I fumble along the wayside, trying to figure out how to get over them. It’s in these moments that Yahweh has found me lying alone and scared; and it’s here that He has pulled me up.

There are many instances in scripture where we can learn from those who stood face to face with fear and walked beyond the verge. Walking by faith has much to do with following Yahweh into the unknown, despite fear. Take Abraham, for example, he traveled to an unknown territory by Yahweh’s command.  He didn’t know what would be there or why this land was chosen, he just went. And then there’s Joseph who was tossed from the only life he’d ever known into a world entirely different from what he was used to. He was betrayed and thrown into prison and he had no idea when he would be released. Yet he never lost his faith.

Fear isn’t something we can suppress; only Yahweh can light up our darkness. In fact, he uses our fears and insecurities to draw us closer to Him. He wants us to come to Him for help, and He wants us to know that with Him there is nothing to fear. He wants us to know that He is enough, and in Him we find our value.

For Elohim hath not given us the spirit of fear;

but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

Whatever fears you have locked inside you, I encourage you to lay them down before the Father and trust in Him to fill you with His peace and love. We may have fear, but in Yahweh we can overcome the powers of darkness and shine in His light.

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