{While I’m Waiting} “Am I Not Enough?”

Here is something I wrote last night.. {and yes…I did write it! =}  Rolling on the floor laughing   

     There she sat, staring out into once again another drippy, cloudy; dark, night. How many times has she sat there restlessly trying to ease the loneliness grabbing at her insides. A roll of thunder went off in the distance. Why did it seem like she was the only one in the world trying to shake off this pain of singleness? Lets see…my birthday is next week. How old am I? 27? She drearily let out another desperate sigh. How much longer do I have to wait? Does it look like I’m getting any younger? Why is it that all my friends are married and I’m the only one sitting here all by myself? But this plea, it wasn’t getting her anywhere, she knew perfectly well that she would have to wait, no matter how hard it was, she was going to wait. But how? How was she suppose to go around as if she didn’t know how old she was? I just can’t wait any longer. She felt a small tugging at her heart. No, I can wait, I know I can, I just have to try a little harder, she told herself. Yet she still didn’t feel content with that thought. How was she to wait? If only that someone would just come out of their hiding place and take her away from her misery.

     Now she began to picture herself in a flowing white dress, walking towards her prince. A gentle smile was on her face, walking towards him in glowing radiance. How those soft words of ‘I do’ just fell freely from her mouth. She, staring into the sparkling eyes of the one she loved. But then everything vanished, now she was back to sitting and staring out into a dark cloudy night.

     She began to look at a dark side of her future. The dark side in which she saw herself in a rocking chair with gray hair and glasses knitting a sweater. It was more like she was picturing herself as ‘the old maid’. No, of course I couldn’t be called to singleness, surely that’s not what Yahweh pictures me as. Now a tear rolled down her cheek. How was she going to fight this fear in her heart. This fear of being an old single lady sitting in a rocking chair and just rocking away a life that she could have spent with someone else?

    Plip, plop, plip, plop. Rain, that was the last thing she needed right now. Clouds, rain, she was already shedding her own rain drops. What if she would be called to be single for the rest of her life? What if this fear of ‘the old maid’ actually came true? “Am I not enough?” she heard a small voice say. “Am I not good enough for you?” These words pierced her heart. All this time, she’d been sitting here, sitting imagining herself with someone on earth, and she didn’t even realize she did have someone, even when no one else was there. How could she forget? This pain inside her now seemed to vanish. Her tears now fell even more freely, but not because she was sad, but because she had found again the one and only person who could ease her pain of heartache inside. How could she forget her Prince, her King, her Lover? All this time she had been dreaming of what it would be like to walk down an aisle in a flowing white dress to someone who she could spend her life with, and here was someone who was that one! Even if she did stay single for the rest of her life, she would always have someone there to share it with, Yahushua, her one true Prince…

Psa. 46:10— Be still, and know that I am Yahweh.

Isa. 30:15— In repentance and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength.

Mic. 7:7— I will look to Yahweh; I will wait for the Elohim of my salvation.

Jam. 1:4— But let patience have it’s perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Psa. 37:4— Delight yourself in Yahweh; and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Psa. 31:15— My times are in Your hand.

 

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4 thoughts on “{While I’m Waiting} “Am I Not Enough?”

  1. Shalom Jenna,
    This is beautiful! I know it is hard sometimes looking around at what others are doing. But being content in all things is a precious gift. The grass will always seem greener on the other side of the fence.

    I was married at 26, and my sister who was 9 years older than me had never been married(yet). She would whine, cry, complain about not being married, she even admitted that she was jealous of me. You see in her eyes, I had what she wanted, or so she thought!

    Well from her side of the fence all she saw was the good part of being married. She didn’t see the work and sacrifice the humility and submission and forgiveness. What she didn’t know was that my husband was unfaithful to me. What she didn’t know was the pain I felt during our separation. She also never had to face forgiving someone of something the world says is unforgivable. You see because Yeshua forgave me, I had to wonder~who am I not to forgive my husband? This story does have a happy ending~my husband and I reconciled after his repentance to YHVH, and we have been MORE happily married now for 10 years, but married a total of 17 years tomorrow. Was it worth all of the pain? YES!

    So why did I tell you all of that? Well as I said before. my sister wasn’t happy(content) being single, even though she had “Jesus'(Yeshua). She ended up getting married at 40 years old, she had her daughter at 44, BUT GUESS WHAT? She still calls me up crying, only now, telling me how miserable her marriage is! She is still unhappy! Why? She got what she wanted, right! Is it possible that because, she wasn’t content with Yeshua alone, she now doesn’t know how to deal with the reality that marriage isn’t as fulfilling as she thought it would be? So now she finds herself at 52 years old still searching for her happiness in things of this world, when she has had Yeshua(she calls him Jesus) all along!

    You are wise beyond your years Jenna! YHVH will send you a husband in HIS timing. Until then enjoy your relationship with Yeshua, let HIM fill all of your hopes and dreams. So when you are married you will be ready and able to face all of the good and the bad of marriage, with Yeshua’s help!

    Sorry for the Novel!
    Shabbat Shalom,Moira

    1. Wow…..I’m glad that you are reconciled with your husband! Praise Yahweh… I’m so sorry about your sister’s marriage situation…I will pray for her that she will realize that she needs someone more than a husband to make her happy, that she needs Yahweh…(: Thank you…what you said is very encouraging! (: It’ll be hard to wait I know…but with Yahweh, I will be able to wait! =) And yes, in the meantime, I will enjoy my relationship with my Savior, and wait for his timing.

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